101 Ways to Save Severus Snape
by GoldenShadowfire33
Summary: This is really a HumourRomanceDrama fic. Hermione realizes that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Eventual HGSS. HBP compliant. Based on the list of ways to annoy Snape. R&R Please! On hiatus as of May 20 See profile for explanation.
1. Prologue

A/N First off I want to say that my idea for this story came after reading Numairs-Magelet "Annoying Professor Snape." I read it way back when it was first on here and Numairs-Magelet is back and updating it again. I recommend it for anyone who likes this type of story. My story is obviously somewhat different and may even be more of a drama than humour, but we will see.

The list I am using is called "Ways to Annoy Snape" by Amanda. If you want to see the list you can google it and I think it is the first thing that comes up. There are 404 reasons in all but I chose 101 to use for my story.

This story is mostly HBP compliant. The only thing I blatantly ignored is the implied RW/HG from the book. For the purposes of my story, nothing came of it; they are close friends.

And of course, I do not own the world of Harry Potter; I am only borrowing.

"Hermione, you're insane!"

"He'll kill you!"

"Have you completly lost your mind?!"

"He'll kill me! Somehow this will be my fault, mark my words!"

Hermione Granger tapped her foot impatiently, gazing at the faces of her two best friends. "Are you two quite finished being so melodramatic? He won't kill you Harry, or me for that matter. And no, Ronald, I am not insane and my mind is as present as it ever was. The worst that can happen is that I will spend most of my seventh year in detention. The best thing that can happen, however, is that I may bring some laughter back to Hogwarts." She paused for a moment before adding, "Professor Dumbledore would have wanted that."

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_After the death of Albus Dumbledore, it seemed as though Voldemort had gained the upper hand in the war. Luckily, thanks to Harry and his friends, the horcruxes were destroyed and Voldemort had been killed once and for all- at least everyone hoped it was for good. Hogwarts had not reopened that year; the Ministry felt as though it would be too dangerous, and without Dumbledore most of the parents agreed. The final battle took place January 29th; there were many casualties, including the Minister of Magic himself, Rufus Scrimgeor. Cornelius Fudge insisted that he should be reinstated as Minister. The overwhelming majority of the wizarding community, however, backed Arthur Weasley. His courage, and the courage of his entire family, during the war was legendary, second only to Harry Potter. It was Arthur Weasley who helped devise the plan that Hogwarts would re-open in September, admitting the students as if there had been no break. The only downside was that the group of first years would be twice as large as usual. Therefore Harry, Ron, and Hermione were preparing to enter their seventh and final year at Hogwarts, and Hermione, it seemed, had lost her mind._

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Harry sighed. "I know laughter is important right now. But I also know that I just want to have a normal year for once. No Voldemort, no basilisks, no Tri-Wizard Tournaments, and definatly no incuring the wrath of greasy, bat-like, untrustworthy potions-masters, who have already proven their capabilities of killing!"

"He is on our side Harry, he was always on our side. He did what he had to do because Dumbledore asked him to." Hermione shook her head sadly. "Can't you understand what he must be going through right now?"

Ron shifted nervously. "Uh... Hermione? If you feel so bad for him, why are you planning to devote an entire year to making his life miserable?"

She clucked her tounge in annoyance. "Honestly, Ron. I am not trying to make his life miserable, I am going to help him. Only... er... he might not realize it at first." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Yes, it will definatly be for the better." With that she left the room muttering somthing about finding Ginny.

Ron looked at at Harry. "Completly lost it, you reckon?"

Harry shrugged. "I think we're looking at spew part two."

"Bloody hell, you don't think she'll make us buy badges do you?"

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Hermione wandered past the garden and out into the fields surrounding the burrow. 'I know this is the right thing to do' she thought, chewing on her lip nervously. She had recently read in a muggle psychology book that the worst thing for someone that had just been through a traumatic event was to isolate himself. Hermione snorted. 'Snape has been through two decades worth of traumatic events and has isolated himself for just as long. It doesn't matter, I will make him feel somthing. Even if it's anger or annoyance, anything to keep him from slipping into a secluded depression. I am going to save Severus Snape.'

Hermione grinned. It was not a good time to be a surly Potions Professor.

I know this chapter was short; I needed to set up the story and gauge the interest in it. Future chapters will be much longer. I have only ever written one-shots so this is a first for me. Whether or not I continue is based on number of reviews so please tell me what you think.

--Shadow--


	2. Only the Beginning

A/N- I was so excited to have three reviews that I decided to post this tonight. I hope you like it!

Thank you to those of you who reviewed. Don't worry whitehound, Hermione fully respects his right to be sour. She just wants to make sure he stays normally sour, not suicidal sour. :) As before, thanks to Numairs-Magelet for giving me the idea to write this, and to Amanda for writing a brilliant list.

I put the original parts of the list that I used in the chapter at the bottom. I will do that for every chapter.

Of course, I own nothing, make no money... at all, trust me.

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**Only the Beginning **

"Here, this will have have to do. Hi Luna."

Luna gazed up at Harry from her copy of _The Quibbler _which, suprisingly, she was reading right-side up. "Hello Harry." She replied. "Did you have a nice summer?"

"As well as can be expected" he answered. "Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm Head Girl Harry, I have to sit up front and patrol the train. It's my job to make sure nobody misbehaves."

"Does that include you Hermoine?" Ron asked innocently as he moved passed her into the compartment.

Hermione placed her hands on her hips and took a deep breath- all signs of a severe telling-off. "I told you Ron, this isn't about breaking the rules or getting in trouble. I am doing a service to a man who is one of the most unsung heros of our time! I am also doing a service to you and everyone else who may have a hard time living in the real world again after such a tragic hiatus! Look me in the eyes Ronald Weasley and tell me you won't think its funny when I... I... transfigure Snape's hair bright pink or something."

Ron guffawed. "You're gonna do what?"

"Is that really on the list?" Ginny asked from behind Hermione.

"No, its not, but the point remains valid."

"Hermione, I know you're always right but I really can't see how this is gonna help Snape" Harry ventured. "I mean, I see how it helps us, but-"

"Actually" Luna interupted dreamily, "I think transfiguring Professor Snape's hair pink is a great idea."

Ron gave Harry a suspicious look before asking her how she figured that.

"Well, everybody knows that pink hair is happy hair. And it will fit his complexion."

"Speaking of Head Girl duties" Hermione said, after a few moments of confused silence as they all tried to figure out what 'happy hair' was, "you are still a prefect, Ron. You have to come up front as well."

"Uh-uh!" Ron shook his head vigourously, plopping down in the seat next to Luna. "Not while Malfoy is there, with his stupid arrogant face and his stupid point-docking little... self. And besides, I can't face him if he's wearing a stupid Head Boy badge."

"Hes not Head Boy" Hermione replied instantly, "Ernie Macmillan is."

"Pompous git" Ron remarked to no one in general. "At least he's not Malfoy though."

Hermione turned on her heel and left the compartment.

"Alright, I'm coming! Keep you hair on." Ron scrambled after her. "Hey, how long is this list exactly?"

"It contains one hundred things that are sure to annoy Snape. Well, anyone really, if you think about it, but mostly him."

"I thought Ginny only wrote, like, twenty-five."

"She did. I kept those but came up with a few of my own. I never would have thought to do this if it hadn't been for her."

"Seventy-five is not a few. And be sure to thank her after you've spent a night beheading Egyptian Water Beetles or somthing" Ron advised darkly. "Hey, look its the ferret! Come on, lets hex him."

"No Ron!" Hermione admonished, grabbing his wand. "We have to set an example."

"But after everything he did! Don't tell me you believe that he didn't really want to do it, and that he was afraid You-Know-Who would kill him if he didn't and all that rubbish."

"It doesn't matter now, Ronald. The war is over, just leave it!" And with that she pulled him passed the compartment with Malfoy in it and they bickered the entire way down the train.

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'OK this is it, breathe Hermione, breathe.'

Now that it came right down to it, her famous, or infamous, Gryffindor courage was failing her.

"Great" she muttered to herself.

"Whuffs zhdat?" Ron asked, spraying bits of Yorkshire pudding across the table.

"Nothing" Hermione answered. "I'm just... I guess... Oh shut up!" she snapped at Harry, who was clearly trying to supress a grin.

"I didn't say anything" Harry protested. "Look, if you want to back out, theres still time. And we won't think any less of you for it."

"Shhhh. McGonagalls trying to talk."

As the Headmistress gave her start of term speech, Hermione could only stare at the dour Potions Master sitting to her right. Was it her imagination, or did he look more surly than ever? Wow, he didn't even flinch when McGonagall introduced Lupin as the new-kind of- DADA teacher. That couldn't be a good sign.

"Uh... Hermione."

She looked up to see that everyone was starting to leave the Great Hall. "First years!" She called above the din. "First years, follow me."

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She slept fitfully, but upon waking her courage had more or less returned. She went downstair to find Ron and Harry waiting for her.

"Hi sleepyhead."

"We thought you decided to make a run for it" joked Harry, grinning. "Ginny already went down to breakfast."

"Very funny, I'm ready. Wait... I forgot my Charms book. I'm sure we're going to have that first thing. You guys go on, I'll meet you down there."

"How can she possibly know what class we'll have first?" she heard Ron ask as she ran back up to the girls' dormitory. She smiled thinking about how much grinning Harry had been doing lately. 'Clearly my plan is working better than you thought already, Harry Potter' she thought to herself.

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As she hurried down to the Great Hall she was so caught up in trying to decide how exactly she should put her plan into action that she didn't notice the black-clad figure turning the corner right into her path. They collided at full force and Hermione had to grip the wall frantically to keep from falling. When she saw who it was she almost fainted. Somthing must have registered on her face because Potions Master was looking at her rather oddly.

"Are you lost, Ms. Granger?" he asked silkily.

"Uh.. no. But actually, I have.. erm... lost somthing."

Snape raised an eyebrow.

"I've lost... I seem to have lost my pet werewolf, sir. Have you seen it?"

This time both of Snape's eyebrows shot up.

"Your what?" he asked, his voice dangerously low.

"Hermione!"

Thank Merlin for Ron, she thought as she fled down the hallway to where he was standing with Harry, leaving a very confused professor behind.

"Where have you been? You missed breakfast. Here's you schedule, we do have Charms first. I dunno how you know these things. Maybe you shouldn't have given up Divination; you're a right sight better than Trelawney anyway..." Hermione tuned Ron out as she followed him and Harry to the Charms classroom, trying to still her wildly beating heart.

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"Stop laughing!"

"I wish I could of seen his face!" Ron said between gasps. "That was bloody brilliant! How did you come up with that one?"

"I said SHUT UP" Hermione hissed angrily. "He's going to hear you!"

They were waiting at the door to the Potions classroom and Snape would be out there any minute. She was regretting telling them already.

"What are you gonna do in class?" Harry asked eagerly.

"Nothing if you two prats can't keep your mouths shut!"

Suddenly the door to the classroom opened and Profesor Snape ushered them inside. Hermione kept her eyes down as she passed him.

"Settle down" Snape said once they were seated, not that he needed to. "I see that in my absence several below-average students were mistaken for competent potions brewers." His gaze rested on Ron and Harry. "No matter, now that I am grading you again, you will receive your proper marks."

He began the roll, starting with Boot, then Brocklehurst, two of the Ravenclaw students. Next was Granger.

"Eek!" She squeaked.

Snape looked up from the parchment, eyes narrowed. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that, Ms. Granger."

She tried to look as innocent as possible as the entire class stared at her. Ron and Harry were desperately trying not to laugh.

"Lets try this again. Granger."

"Eek!"

"Is somthing ailing you Ms. Granger? Perhaps the disappearance of a certain pet werewolf?"

Hermione mouthed gibberish at him.

"Thats quite enough Ms. Granger! If you are ill I suggest you leave my classroom. Ten points from Gryffindor! Macmillan." He continued the roll call and set them to brewing the Draught of the Living Dead as review. With the exception of two other times Hermione caught his eye and mouthed urgent nonsense (which he ignored) the class passed without incident.

As they left the dungeons Harry and Ron were muttering darkly about the two foot long essay due next class.

"Stupid git. Did he really expect anyone to know what would happen when you mix moonstone with powedered root of asphodel?"

"Doesn't he realize that we have other classes too?"

"Can you believe he only took ten points from Gryffindor?"

"_Only?_" Ron looked at her in disbelief. "You were trying for more?"

"I think you're looking at this too closely Hermione" Harry added. "You should be thankful."

But Hermione was anything but thankful. Clearly she needed to try harder if she was going to penetrate that tough outer shell of his. She knew this was only the beginning.

**The List**

1. Tell him you've lost your pet werewolf and has he seen it?

2. Squeak softly everytime he says your name during roll-call.  
3. Anytime you catch his eye, mouth something undecipherable at him. Make it look urgent.

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Well there you have it- chapter two. I hope you liked it. Review please, it makes me very happy, especially detailed reviews that tell me exactly what you like/don't like.

--Shadow--


	3. Testing the Waters

_**A/N**_ Thanks to everyone that reviwed.

I'm going to respond to most of the concerns raised here instead of doing it privately because I'm sure there are others thinking/wondering the same things.** duj**- yes this story is somewhat ooc. I am trying to keep the characters in character as much as possible but the situation itself is ooc. Yes I know that this would not happen in real life (Hermione getting away with this stuff etc...) but thats why I'm writing it. I think a lot of things in the real HP books are not totally probable-and I'm not talking about the magic- thats the fun of writing. Snape is not going to start a prank war, or take the pranks meekly, right now he is not sure what exactly is going on. **whitehound**- For my list I did take out the pranks I thought were mean-like all the times people tell him to wash his hair etc... I totally made up the pyschology thing and with the exception of Psych 101 my freshman year, I have no real experience with that type of thing, therefore as author I make up my own rules to fit my story :) My biggest rule is: Tormenting Snape makes him angry, not more depressed. Plus he loves logic(inferred from the 1st book) therefore puzzles. Hermione puzzles him. The hardest part of the story was trying to come up with a reason for her to do this. Its not foolproof, I know, but bear with me. Thank you both for all your feedback!

(INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE)

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**Testing the Waters**

Severus Snape swept into the Great Hall early the next morning. He preferred to eat with a modicum of quiet- before most of the screaming banshees arrived. As he made a preemptory sweep of the High Table his eyes narrowed suspiciously. He stalked up behind his least favorite colleague. "Morning Lupin, sleep well?" he sneered.

"Fine, Severus, thank you" Remus nodded his head slightly.

"I'm sure you enjoyed rubbing the fact that you still managed to steal my job despite being a filthy half-breed werewolf in my face yesterday."

Remus looked up bewildered. "I'm afraid I don't know what your talking about."

Severus leaned down menacingly. "Surely Lupin, you remember telling a certain Ms. Granger to ask me where her pet werewolf was? While the idea of you being chained up in a yard somewhere is thoroughly satisfying, I do not appreciate you sending annoying Gryffindor students to torment me."

Remus gave a flick of his head, reminiscent of a dog trying to shake water out of it's ear. "I assure you Severus, I had nothing to do with that. In fact I find it hard to believe Hermione would say such a thing, to anyone, let alone you."

"I found it quite hard to believe myself, Lupin, which is why I am convinced someone put her up to it" Severus replied giving Lupin a pointed look. "Seeing as she is in your house, you deal with her." With a final sneer, Severus swept down the table to his normal seat. 'The only thing worse than bloody Gryffindors is bloody werewolf Gryffindors' he thought bitterly, as he ate his breakfast. Thirty minutes later, as the Great Hall was starting to fill up Severus left the Hall. Just as he turned the corner he saw the very last person he wanted to see right now- Hermione Granger. Not just Hermione Granger, but in fact, a whole group of Gryffindors. Gryffindors who seemed to laughing heartily at something Granger just said.

"Yes! And do you remember the hat? It was a stuffed vulture! At least the dress was green though, he should at least have been grateful it wasn't pink!"

He swept right through the group, allowing himself a satisfied smirk as they scattered in terror. 'Oh yes, this was definitely Lupin's doing' he thought grimly, as he made his way down to the dungeons.

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"I don't believe it!"

"Hermione, lets go"

"Before he decides to come back and give us all detention."

"I don't believe it" Hermione repeated, allowing herself to be led into the Great Hall. "He didn't even say anything. Why didn't he say anything?"

"Maybe it's your lucky day" Ron offered, piling a mountain of scrambled eggs onto his plate. "You should be happy he didn't do anything."

Hermione was still pouting when their new Head of House approached them. "Hermione, may I have a word?"

Hermione followed Remus Lupin off to the side. "Is something wrong Professor?" she asked, thinking this had something to do with her Head Girl duties.

"Actually, I might ask you the same thing, Hermione." Seeing her puzzled look, he continued. "Did you ask Professor Snape to help you look for your pet werewolf?"

"He... told you?" Hermione stuttered, fully aware that her face must be very red. She bit her lip nervously. "What did he say? Am I in trouble?"

"Actually he seemed to be under the impression that I put you up to it. So technically, _I'm_ in trouble" Remus replied with a half-smile.

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Professor!... I... I didn't mean... I'm so sorry-" Remus raised his hand, and she quieted.

"I'm more concerned with why you did it, Hermione" he said watching her closely. "I didn't expect this from you, especially being Head Girl."

Hermione looked like she might cry. "I... I have a reason" she said quietly, not meeting his eye. Remus waited for her to continue. "I promise it's a good reason."

Remus let out a suprised laugh that sounded more like a bark. "A good reason, well in that case..." He sighed. "No Hermione, I do not condone this behavior, and I expect more from a Head Girl, more from you. I realize I can not always be around to prevent you from doing... whatever it is you are doing, but I will fully support any punishment Professor Snape decides on if this behavior continues. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir" Hermione replied, still looking at the ground.

"Good. Go finish your breakfast" and with one final bewildered shake of his head Lupin went back to his seat at the High Table.

Hermione went back to her seat as well, but she couldn't eat. 'Why would he think Lupin put me up to this? Does he really think I'm not capable of coming up with that myself? For his information I came up with 100 of those ideas by myself! Well 75 anyway.' "Oh, bother!" The last bit she said out loud. Ron and Harry just looked at eachother knowingly. She was definitely cracking up.

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Harry shook his head. "Hermione, you promised Lupin you were going to stop this."

"I did not. I told him that I understood that I would have to take any punishment Snape gives me." It was two days later and they were waiting outside the dungeons again. Hermione had given a great deal of thought to whether or not she would continue with her plan. In the end she figured she would only push it as far as she could without getting expelled. Today she would test the waters a little more.

"Enter" came the stern voice as the door to the dungeons opened. The students filed in and took their seats.

"Today I am going to teach you the uses of Unicorn hair in most common antidotes. Next class you will brew an antidote, using Unicorn hair, to the poison I assign. And no, I will not be telling you what poison it is in advance" he added with a smirk. "Take out your quill and copy this down." He waved his wand at the board.

Hermione reached into her bag and pulled out her quill. "There you are Snapie. Come on, we have to copy all this down." Harry gazed in open-mouthed astonishment and Ron had turned a brilliant shade of red. Snape, it seemed, had not heard her. So Hermione quietly moved to the next row up. "Here, Snapie. I think I like this row better." This time Snape turned to see who was talking. He narrowed his eyes at Ron and Harry who were still frozen in shock.

"Potter! Weasley! Ten points from Gryffindor!" he barked. "I told you to copy this down." As he turned back to the board Hermione moved up another row.

"I think he's mad, Snapie, don't you?" Hermione asked her quill. "We better be good so he doesn't yell at us." This time Snape heard who was talking and what she said. He turned around slowly.

Who are you talking to Ms. Granger?" he asked in a deceptively calm voice.

"My quill."

He strode over to her desk and leaned down so that his face was very close to hers. She blinked.

"I do not know what game you are playing Ms. Granger, or who set you up to this, but I warn you that it can not end well. I advise you to go back to your seat and remain quiet for the rest of my class."

Hermione did return to her seat and quietly copied down her notes. When the bell rang Hermione was the first person to the door. She paused before leaving, however, long enough for one final comment.

"See you next time folks! Same bat time, same bat channel." She ran faster than she ever ran before.

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When Harry and Ron finally caught up with her in the Library, they were out of breath from laughter.

"You should have seen the look on his face!"

"I thought he was gonna explode!"

"That stupid git Malfoy laughed and Snape took 20 points from him-"

"Slytherin!"

"His own house!" They were looking at her with awe.

"You better watch yourself now though" Ron said seriously. "He's none too pleased with you, I reckon."

Hermione sighed. "I 'reckon' not." At least she made him angry, and still no detention. All in all, this was a good day.

**The List**

4. Tell loud stories about Neville Longbottom's boggart.

5. Nickname your quill 'Snapie' and talk to it during class.

6. Every time his back is turned in class, move one seat closer to him. Continue until you are directly in front of him or until the lesson ends.

7. Conclude potions lessons with the words 'See you next time folks! Same bat time! Same bat channel!'

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There it is, kind of short, but I wanted it to end there. As a side note, writing Snape's POV is really hard. I thuoght it would be a good idea to throw a little of it in there to allay some fears about his stability. Thank you again to everyone who reveiwed. The more reviews I get, the more I want to write!

--Shadow--


	4. The Quest for Detention Take 1

A/N- Those of you who read the reviews probably know that I lost a reader because he/she did not want to "watch a suicidal person being tormented." Let me just reiterate- this is clearly labled as a humour fic. It is not angst. Different rules apply. Snape is not suicidal, nor will he ever become suicidal in this fic. I half labled this as drama simply because I feel it is a little more serious than other fics using this concept. Apparently I also need an additional disclaimer so here it is:DO NOT TORMENT PEOPLE WHO ARE SUICIDAL-THAT IS BAD. DO NOT TRY THIS IN REAL LIFE. I think the misunderstanding came from my chap. 2 a/n when I said there is a difference b/w being normally sour and suicidal sour; I did not mean to imply that he is suicidal here because he is NOT.

Thank you Michelle, notwritten, Reioki, and Yoshi, for your wonderful reviews!

Disclaimer#1-I do not own Harry Potter

Disclaimer#2-No Snapes were harmed in the making of this fic.

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**The Quest for Detention (Take 1)**

Hermione sat staring morosely into her cereal the next morning, looking up every so often to sneak a glance at Harry and Ginny. It was almost as bad as having to watch Ron and Lavender last year- well not quite, she amended; at least Harry and Ginny are in love. That made it somewhat OK. If anyone ever called Hermione "sweetums" she would hex them. It would be for their own good really. Although, she reflected, Herm-own-ninny wasn't all that great either. This reverie was interupted by Ron, who, tearing his eyes away from the happy couple, looked over at Hermione.

"Um... Hermione?"

No, Ron. It would never work! I've told you that."

Ron looked confused. "Why? I just need to get my biscuit buttered. You already have."

Hermione choked on her pumpkin juice. "What?!"

"The butter, Hermione" Ron said pointing to her right. "You're done with it, so can I have it?" He pronounced these last words very clearly, as if he were speaking to a small child.

Hermione, blushing crimson, handed him the butter, hoping nobody else had noticed the exchange. Ron was still looking at her as if she had three heads. Hermione sighed. She needed to get control of herself.

The rest of the day passed without incident. Harry, suprisingly managed to transfigure his chair into a porcupine on the fifth try. Ron couldn't get his past an oversize pincushion, but he was at least making progress. During dinner Hermione was watching Professor Snape covertly out of the corner of her eye. She knew what came next on the list but she didn't really want to do it here where Lupin would see her. Even though he hadn't _exactly_ told her to stop ('stop making excuses for yourself, Hermione') she didn't really feel like pressing her luck. It seemed like slow motion as Snape reached over for his spoon. Hermione swallowed hard, gathered all the Gryffindor courage she could muster, and took a deep breath. When his long, pale fingers closed around the handle, and the utensil began it's upward journey to his mouth, Hermione screamed. Ron choked on a mouthfull of potatoes and Neville dropped his goblet. As the pumpkin juice spread a dull orange stain down the tablecloth, Hermione shrieked again and ran from the hall. Ginny burst out laughing.

"That was one of mine I think" she said between giggles. "Run when Snape picks up his fork or somthing."

Lupin had made his way down to the Gryffindor table. "What was wrong with Hermione?" he asked quickly, already fearing this may have somthing to do with her 'good reason' for antagonizing Snape.

"She forgot to do her Arithmancy homework" Ginny lied smoothly, still grinning. "Its due tomorrow."

Lupin glanced at Harry, who tried to look innocent. He didn't really want to lie to him. Lupin shook his head wearily and made his way up to the High Table. Being the Head of Gryffindor was turning out to be harder than he anticipated. As soon as his back was turned Ginny, Ron, and Harry burst out laughing.

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'That was stupid' Hermione thought, practically wearing a hole through the carpet of her dormitory with her pacing. 'He had no idea why I ran, it only makes me look like a complete idiot!' And Hermione never likes looking like an idiot-ever. She reached under her mattress and pulled out the list. She scanned it quickly to see if there were anymore stupid ideas. Satisfied, she looked at it again, this time looking for what to do next. She decided that the best thing to do was get detention. That way she could be alone with him and could better gauge his reactions to the pranks. (Although, purposely trying to be alone with an angry Snape seemed akin to poking a raging dragon in the eye. Both could easily be fatal.) Since she didn't have Potions until next week she chose a few things she could do if she saw him in the corridors. 'If?' she asked herself with a smile. '_When_ I see him in the corridors' she amended.

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"Hey, guys... I think I forgot somthing in my room. I'll... uh... meet you in Charms, OK?" She turned around quickly, before they could protest, and made for the corridor in which she had just seen a fluttering of black robes. As she turned the corner she spotted him, not five feet away, telling off some first year Ravenclaws for laughing too loudly. As he started to walk away, she hurried to catch up. She fell in step behind him, trying to imitate his stride and scowl.

Sensing that he was being followed, he turned around. Hermione stopped as well and tried to smile as innocently as possible. He narrowed his eyes slightly, but he decided he didn't really feel like dealing with this right now. Maybe she would go away. As he turned and continued walking he realized two things: 1) She was not going away, and 2) he was getting a headache. He turned around so quickly, she only narrowly avoided crashing into him.

"Let me guess, Ms. Granger, your werewolf has gone missing again. Let me assure you that I do not care. Though I may suggest that perhaps he is merely hiding. Your incessent chattering, and copious amounts of truly terrifying bushy hair are quite enough to drive even the most fearsome monster away." He was pleased to note how her quickly her smile left her face, to be replaced by an emotion he couldn't quite identify. As he turned to leave he heard her say, voice quivering slightly,

"Actually, sir, I was just wondering how old you are." Before he could reply she continued "I mean, you can't possibly be older than forty. You were in the same year as Lupin weren't you? Well... but I don't know how old he is either-"

"Kindly cease this pointless rambling Ms. Granger, you are giving me a headache" he ground out through clenched teeth. He turned on heel and strode away.

Hermione, however, wasn't going to give up that easily. Gryffindors were known for their obstinance; she had a reputation to think about after all. "Sir!" she called out struggling to keep up with him. "Whats your middle name? Does it start with an 'S' too? Because your first and last name do-" He turned around and she stopped in her tracks. The look on his face silenced her immediatly. The sound of her heart pounding in her chest was drowned out momentarily by the bell.

"You're late, Ms. Granger" Snape said smoothly. "Twenty points from Gryffindor. I suggest you get to class... unless, of course, you want a detention." Hermione opened her mouth to tell him that in fact she did want a detention but what came out instead was

"Full moon tonight, Professor." He looked like he was going to say something, but right at that moment Peeves came bouncing into the corridor, cackling loudly about locking some Hufflepuffs in a closet on the fourth floor. Hermione used this distraction to slip away unnoticed.

She didn't explain to Harry and Ron the real reason she was late for class, though they looked as though they didn't really believe that she couldn't find her book. She didn't feel too badly about not getting detention, however. Come Monday she was sure to stretch the boundaries of his patience in a whole new way.

**The List**

8. Look terrified and leave the hall ANYTIME he picks up his spoon at mealtimes.

9. Follow him closely through the hallways. Imitate his stern look and determined walk. If he turns around, stand still and smile sweetly.  
10. Ask him how old he is.  
11. Ask him what his middle name is.  
12. Be sure to let him know when there's a full moon coming.

* * *

This story is getting harder to write, so your reviews are essential. They truly do inspire my muse. My muse would also love it if you could read my other HP story, "Runaway Train" a short, one-shot from Snape's POV. It has no reviews and is very lonely.

--Shadow--


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